Convict Work Detail

I have mentioned in the past that I am something of a human magpie. I like nothing better than walking at the side of a road or highway checking out the interesting stuff that ends up in the gutter. I know that this is not everyone’s idea of a good time, but it gives me a chance to defocus on my life and look into the lives of others. Those others are litterbugs for the most part.

You might wonder just what I find so interesting so I will tell you just what I found on my walk yesterday morning. I found five Bingo scratch tickets and a $21 dollar Lotto Max ticket from May 1^st. Not surprisingly, the scratch tickets and the lotto ticket didn’t win anything. I have found ones in the past that paid off but not yesterday. I did however manage to remove the tickets from the side of the road to the recycle bin behind my house. I found a 500 foot roll of 1/4 inch white ribbon which may or may not be used for crafts and or wrapping presents. It might get buried at the back of my workbench and whoever cleans out the garage when I die will have to toss it in the large bin they will need to rent for all of that crap I have collected. I found a slotted screwdriver which aside from having a slight bend (since straightened) is in good condition. A pair of sunglasses that I will never use but will clean and keep in the car for anyone who needs a shield from the sun. I also picked up an iPhone 5 that was damaged beyond repair.

I have a small collection of phones that someday I plan to use for a costume, craft or to cobble together a communication device after Armageddon. More than likely those phones will find themselves in the large bin after I die. Not yesterday’s phone though. While lying in bed this morning I realized that the phone was found where a day before there was a terrible accident caused by road rage and one young fellow died. I took the phone to the Calgary City Police head office which was locked and when I called the security office I was told that I would have to go to a district office. Weird!

When I worked at the Postal plant there was no postal outlet for people to mail items. Seemed kind of strange at the time and still does, but I suppose there must be a reason. I guess the reason could be that the place was run by idiots.

Speaking of which, I drove to the District office and phoned the number that was on the locked door. A cop answered and when I told him about the phone he reluctantly agreed to come and get it. He took my name and phone numbers and I drove home. I knew it wasn’t going to go smoothly, but I had done a good deed.

An hour or so later I got a call from a detective in the homicide department who wanted me to write a statement and send it in. Sure…in for a penny; in for a pound.

I got a response thanking me for the statement and a bright red warning that I should not share the email or part thereof with anyone. I guess that would make me a criminal. I have visions of being grilled by a defense lawyer at some time in the future about what the weather was like and just why I picked up evidence in a criminal trial. Of course I will go into the human magpie story and how I like to walk at the side of the highway picking up other peoples garbage.

I doubt I will get more than three years in a minimum security facility. On the bright side, I might get on the convict work detail cleaning up the highway.