Arms Like a Gorilla

Okay, I’m an old guy and may not be completely up to date on the ins and outs of social media. I’m not completely ignorant (let’s call that Trump ignorant); I know just enough to get by (Goldilocks ignorant). I have no idea at all why anyone uses Twitter, Instagram, Tumbler or Vine. I’m sure there are a many more that I don’t know anything at all about or even that they exist. I’m also sure that those that use these social media sites just couldn’t live without checking them every three or four minutes. I’m the same way when I think my zipper is at half mast.

I am frequently on Facebook and I do get a kick out of it most of the time. I don’t take it seriously and I find it fascinating what information and photos people post. The other day, one of my “friends” indicated that her world was about to collapse and one of the comments from someone close was a stern warning NOT to ‘like” the posting. OMG!!! I thought the worst of course, injured child, deadly disease, car crash, divorce, death in the family or any number of things that my fertile imagination could come up with.

I didn’t “like” the posting, but I do wish there was a button I could click on that would say “You can tell me, I won’t tell a soul and when I do, I’ll make them promise not to tell anyone. Honest!” I never did find out what the hell happened, and probably never will. It seems that life is back to normal for my friend and her facebook postings. I can only assume that someone burnt the toast or had a wet fart. Both can be solved by scraping the offensive crust off.

Another thing I don’t get is the “selfie” craze. Yes, it is nice to have a picture of yourself in front of the Eiffel Tower, with Matt Damon and a snap or two with your friends. Just a hint, no one cares that you are in a bar or a restaurant; people do that shit every day. People also hang out with their friends every day. Stop taking the same picture of yourself every week and using it as your “Profile” picture, fishing for compliments, which you get from the same people every week.

Oh and why oh why do you take your picture in the bathroom? I am aware that bathrooms have big mirrors so you can get that full body shot. Don’t forget it is a full body shot with a toilet in the back ground. You are lovely, and the bathroom is nice and clean, I am more concerned about why you need validation from strangers. Maybe call up a real friend and have a few laughs over coffee and talk to them about the issues that are bothering you. I’m pretty sure others are feeling the same way as you do.

Facebook and the other forms of social media can be entertaining, but none of it is real, not really. Oh, and unless you have arms like a gorilla you just can’t get the phone far enough away to get a decent picture.