On The Bottom

I think I am an okay kind of guy. Mostly.

I keep getting phone calls from people who want to save me money by switching my phone plan, changing the way I pay for my energy, buy a new car with a lower interest rate or get my ducts cleaned. This doesn’t include the people who want to help me with my computer problems that have somehow been detected in far off Sri Lanka. Of course if I subscribe to the newspaper for a year I will get three months free. We just went through an election in which all of the parties running promised that my life will be better in all ways if only I vote for them. I voted for one of the parties and now I get to see just how my life improves.

I don’t understand why any of these people want to go out of their way to help a complete stranger. I don’t personally know anyone at the gas, electric or phone companies who would put my name forward to have a financial helping hand. I sure don’t know anyone in Sri Lanka that is willing to fix that pesky computer if only I provide some personal banking information to them. I used to love watching the TV show “The Millionaire” where every Monday night at 7:30 a deserving person or couple would be given $1,000,000 provided that they make no mention of how they came into the money. I always suspected that it was drug money that needed to be laundered and the crime lords just didn’t want the IRS to find out what was going on. It was a nice show and of course I wanted to be the recipient…just once. Oh, it was pretend of course.

 

I never have had a million dollars handed to me by a stranger. Now, the lottery has made the idea of getting a paltry million dollars laughable. It’s $55,000,000 for me or nothing! Okay, I’d take a hundred and thirteen bucks gladly.

Maybe it’s me, but I am very suspicious of people wanting to help me. I shouldn’t be, because I would gladly help anyone that I know. I have helped people move, build fences and decks, watch children, loan tools and I have given an untold amount of advice over the years. If it is in my power, I will help pretty much anyone. However, I have never called anyone randomly and offered to fix their computer. I have offered to help Gordie, but he is a bonehead and alas there is just no help for someone like him. What I am trying to say is that if you are a friend and need help, I am here. If you are a stranger and need help, I might be here. If you are someone that is running a scam that will put my money in your pocket, then you can go fuck yourself.

 

I always automatically think the latter. I was born to be on the bottom of the pyramid and so were 99.9999% of the world’s population. All you have to do to get along is be nice and help your friends and neighbours if they need it. It isn’t so bad on the bottom as long as you remember that.