Thoughts

You should never grocery shop when you are hungry.

Don’t eat on an empty stomach.

Never dance when you are drunk.

Never make a major life decision by saying “Ahhh…Why not?”

A company party isn’t the place to tell the boss what you think of him.

There is no right place to tell the boss what you think of him.

People will always disappoint you.

Make an effort to not disappoint those you love.

No one else cares what you look like or what your opinion is.

You don’t look as good as you think you do.

You look better than you think you do.

No one looks good naked. Not even her in real life.

You have a bad memory for a very good reason.

Divide how smart you are by half and then by half again. Now you are getting close to the truth.

You couldn’t have done any better than you did, or you would have.

The reason you didn’t do better is that you are lazy.

Time is not on your side. Time doesn’t take sides.

Everyone has a better opinion of you than you have of yourself.

You treat your family worse than you do strangers.

A lottery win wouldn’t change you; you would be the same person with a bigger bank account.

You will never understand why someone else loves you.

That pimple on your nose…we all saw it.

When you said “He’s no better than I am!”, you were wrong.

You don’t really have very good taste, but we like you anyways.

Hockey, baseball and football really are a waste of time, but most things are.

No one actually NEEDS a cell phone.

Yes, you do look stupid always holding that cell phone. At least you look busy and stupid.

Nothing is real on TV, not even the news.

People lie to you all of the time. You should thank them.

That was the truth!

Take responsibility for your actions.

Never believe a politician or a lawyer.

Politicians and lawyers don’t care what you think.

Read what makes you happy, not what others think you should read.