Filling the Page

You know, most of the time I can understand why I do the things that I do. I’m not always happy with the way I do things, but more often than not, it does make sense.

Two days ago, I had been invited to get together with a bunch of people that I worked with twenty years ago. I had no idea how many of the old crowd were going to show up, but I would see when I got there. We had all gone our separate ways over the years, but I have run into most of them on an infrequent basis, time and again. One or two even read this blog and I told them I would say hi for them since they are in another province and couldn’t attend.

I didn’t go to the get together.

There was no good reason for me not to go, but as the time approached I became more and more anxious. The people are nice enough and certainly they would be friendly, but I just kept thinking of reasons not to go. I could only stay for an hour or so…I don’t like being in a bar setting…most of the people I want to see wouldn’t be there and some of the people I don’t want to see just might be there. The reasons didn’t make much sense on Friday afternoon and they make less sense on Saturday night.

Every now and then I just can’t bear to go out of the house for any reason. This winter I went out seldom and reluctantly, blaming it on illness. I suppose I was a little depressed, as I would sit at home, sometimes watching TV and sometimes just sitting. I knew I should be doing things, but knowing and doing are different things. That time has passed and I am getting out and about more, as well as doing more things.

I’m not going to reunions of course, but I will run into those people from time to time. Well, I might anyways. I think that I am going to have to start making an effort to keep in touch with people, my plan of staying in one place and letting them come to me isn’t working so well.

I don’t want to hear from any well meaning friends, I am aware I have problems but I am happy with my lifestyle and just have to figure out how to make others happy about it too.

Besides, this is just a blog and a lot of what I say is intended to fill a page or so which this has managed to do very nicely.