Six Numbers Between 1 and 49

I have started writing this blog about four times so far and all four times it has come out pretty negative. I don’t mind being negative and I am a lot of the time, but I am pretty sure that people don’t want to read about it.

The negative me just said “Who cares? No one is reading this anyways!”  The positive me really couldn’t care less if anyone reads it, just so long as I enjoy myself. Well, positive self, I am not enjoying this tonight.

It might be because of the seeming weeks and weeks of grey and rainy weather that we have had. We haven’t had enough sun in between the rains to allow the plants to grow. I’m depressed by the weather; I can’t imagine how depressed the farmers must be when their whole year depends on the perfect balance of rain and sun. Sucks to be them. It would kind of suck to be a mailman in this kind of weather too. You just put your head down and plod on through the mud and the puddles, trying without success to keep the mail dry. You know right from the start that there is nothing you can do to keep yourself warm and dry, so you think dry thoughts and hope for a better day tomorrow. So far we haven’t really had any good tomorrows to look forwards to.

It might be because we had as much of the family over as could make it over for supper tonight. Our nephew and his family was out west and our family and theirs got together over dinner. I kind of felt out of it. It reminded me of those parties that I would go to in high school where I felt as if I were in a bubble only being able to look out and wasn’t able to interact with anyone. Hurricane, Tornado and their cousins played together and didn’t need papa at all because their parents were here to look after them. The younger people talked about things that younger people talk about and although I was allowed to contribute, there just wasn’t much that I could. I have gone beyond some of those issues. Circle of life stuff I suppose.

It might be because of the offer to work for a full week I got today. I missed the initial phone call and when my buddy called to say he was working I was kind of disappointed that I had been out at the time of the call. Later on, I did get a call, and now I am disappointed that I am going to have to work forty hours next week. I guess that’ a “Be careful what you wish for” kind of thing. Either that or I am just a cantankerous old coot. 

It might be that the tinnitus is especially loud tonight. It sounds like a nest of angry bees have taken up residence in my head. Sometimes you just want to stop hearing, but since it isn’t actual noise, there isn’t anything I can do about it. They say that it is suspected that a lot of the people who have heard voices over the years have been suffering from tinnitus. I don’t care so much about voices, but I would just love to hear six numbers between 1 and 49.