I have recently been taking Buster on a different route for
our walks in the morning. I’m not doing it because I am a good guy that has his
best interests at heart. I am doing it because we are walking earlier and I
want to avoid the grade school kids who are heading to school at the same time.
I don’t dislike all kids, just the ones that want to get all coochy-coo with
Buster when all he wants to do is find some new place to take a leak. Sure he
likes the attention and I think that he can’t tell the difference between these
kids and Hurricane and Tornado.
Before I go any further, I just want it clear that the grade
school kids have nothing to do with Vaseline.
Now that is settled, part of the reason I am walking this
particular route is that a couple of months ago I found a ten dollar bill half
frozen in the ice and being an optimist, I am hoping to find it’s twin. I haven’t
had any luck with the money, but there is always tomorrow.
What I have noticed, are empty Vaseline containers on the
side of the road. If there had only been one empty container, I would have
thought that it is just normal garbage that was tossed out of a car. They toss
out raw half chickens, so why not Vaseline? One day I saw no less than four
empty containers strewn over two blocks. I would wager that all of the houses
in that two blocks area combined, don’t use one large container in a day. Well,
maybe if there are newlyweds, but even then... If that had been the only time I
had noticed empties on the road, I would have thought it just an aberration,
but it wasn’t. Since that first time, the problem has spread down the road for
about twenty blocks.
What the hell! I figured that there must be some way to get
high from it, but I’ve done an internet search and no luck. There is an
internet prank going around where you put Vaseline on your hand and high five
someone. That might work a few times, but eventually no one will high five you
because of your reputation. It certainly wouldn’t account for 15 – 20 large
jars of Vaseline.
Okay, I can think of something that might use that much
Vaseline. Illegal Greko-Roman wrestling! There might be a small segment of the
population that like to watch young men and women smear themselves with
Vaseline and wrestle the best two out of three falls. They would hold these
matches in abandoned warehouses late at night, and of course there would be
heavy betting on the outcome. Come to think about it, it might not be such a
small segment of the population that would be interested.
I wonder how I could get an invitation. Just for research
purposes of course.
I did find a site for legitimate uses of Vaseline, and it
turns out that Vaseline is quite versatile.
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