Stairway To Heaven

Today was or should I say is one of the last really warm days of the summer. I hope! I have never been a big fan of the sun, heat, patios, George Hamilton tans or buses filled with hot, sweaty tired people. I do like that I don’t have to shovel snow, wear layers, plug in vehicles, pay crazy heating and electric bills and being able to wear shorts for months at a time.

Personally, I just love the autumn. The crisp clear days, the frosty nights and the stunning beauty as the trees and bushes change colours. You can work outside in relative comfort without working up a sweat. A friend of mine mentioned last year that you can put your beer down and it won’t get warm. In the same vein, ice cream cones won’t melt and something about having a coffee on one of those crisp days turns it from an every day drink to a magic elixir. It is also an indication that Christmas is just around the corner and that is something to be happy about.

However, that is about four months away and right now it is still stinking hot. One of my mother’s uncles would get drunk and sit in the kitchen with his shoes and socks off, pants rolled up, his feet in a bucket of water and a drink in his hand. When he was asked what the hell he was doing, he would reply that “It is plain as the nose on your face. With my feet in the bucket, the ants can’t crawl up my legs!” It’s hard to argue with that kind of reasoning, especially to a drunk with his feet wet. Just to be clear, no ants ever did crawl up his legs while he was drunk.

I was thinking of this long dead uncle tonight when I was outside sitting in the shade brushing the odd ant off of my legs. I don’t know, but if I had to guess I would say that he died from liver complications or walking in front of a milk wagon. 


I picked up Hurricane and Tornado from their day home, and we played with water, pouring it from one bucket to the next. It is always fun when you get kids and water together. Their dad picked them up after a while. Part of the reason I was outside was to clean up after our play. I was about to pour out the buckets of cool water when my distant uncles odd behaviour came to me.

Why not? I brought the bucket over to the chair, got a drink and a book, sat down and put my feet in the cool water. It wasn’t heaven on earth, but I was on the stairway to heaven. My whole body cooled off in very short order. Perhaps uncle told people about the ants just so they would piss off and leave him alone with his cool feet in the bucket. I will do this again the next time I am hot and need a little time to myself. 

If you see me like this and decide to ask what the hell I am doing, rest assured that I’ll tell you “It is plain as the nose on your face. With my feet in the bucket, the ants can’t crawl up my legs!” You can find out about the stairway to heaven by yourself.