OH GAWD!

OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD!  OH GAWD! OH GAWD! OH GAWD!

I thought that I had eaten too much yesterday, and I did. It seems that yesterday was just a stretching exercise for my stomach, the upper and lower intestines and hopefully the sphincter. Years ago, we decided as a family that to have a large Christmas type dinner on Christmas day was something of a waste. You see, Santa generally leaves chocolate, candy and fruit in our stockings and of course we bake a shit pile of cookies to have a variety to leave out for Santa. Landing on rooftops and going up and down chimneys must take a lot of energy, because a conservative estimate is that there are 2.1 billion homes that Santa visits on Christmas Eve. If everyone leaves just one cookie and it weighs say 40 grams, that works out to 84,000,000 Kilograms or 184,800,000 pounds. That is a lot of calories to burn off. (the math doesn’t look right, but you get the idea)

I am pretty sure that Santa and I are in a dead heat after today. So, anyways, we decided that with all of the goodies (crap) that we eat on Christmas day it just isn’t fair that Louise spends so much time cooking for people that are actually too full to appreciate her hard work. We settled on Boxing Day. If you ask me, I think Valentines Day would be far enough away for the big meal. No one asked me!

So, big meal, ham and turkey, potatoes and yams, some other stuff, and four deserts, not counting the god damned cookies or the cheese ball. It is really just a blur to me. No, really, my eyes can’t focus anymore. You don’t think the food could be putting pressure on the back of my eyeballs do you? I know it is putting pressure on my bladder and the intestines, but I think the cheese ball is binding things up.

There was a suggestion that we should all go for a walk after dinner. Once the laughter died out we sat on the couch with our stretchy pants on and just nibbled on cookies and candy. We didn’t want to; it was almost as if we were compelled to. You know how those people that die for a time and then are resuscitated, say that they were hovering over their body watching the paramedics trying to save them and they just had a feeling of peace and contentment. It was like that. I knew that I shouldn’t be eating, and a part of me was saying that I shouldn’t, but my hand just kept picking up food and stuffing it in my mouth.

Eventually, I had to get up and do the dishes. The mounds of pots, pans, plates and cutlery took not only an enormous amount of water, but I fear my hands will never lose the wrinkles. If it weren’t for the dishwasher I would still be in the kitchen. I guess the dishwashing was my exercise today.

Well, Boxing Day is done for another year and I have pretty much finished the blog…I wonder if there are any cookies left?