Uptight Religious Nut With a Hair Up His Ass

I am having a bit of trouble thinking of something that I am interested enough in tonight to write about. Do you think I have finally gotten to the point where I have nothing left to say? No such luck pal! It is just a little of the blahs, a brain fart if you will.

Oh, I think I have something now.

When Louise and I were in Hawaii I was walking along Kailua beach while Louise was out paddling, when I saw a sign written in felt marker on a washed up board. It read Psalm 23:4. Now, at the time, a few things went through my mind. Why would anyone carry a felt marker to the beach? Where did they find that big piece of washed up board? How can that girls top stay up when she is running like that? Why don’t I have a six pack like the guy running with her? Is he running with her or after her? How long should I keep my shirt off before I will burn? What the hell does Psalm 23:4 mean?

I am sure you will agree that they are all very good questions. Here we are months later and the only one that I still don’t know the answer to is the Psalm 23:4. So tonight, well, just now actually I looked it up.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

I thought of quite a few things while I was walking along the beach with the gentle warm Pacific waves lapping against my feet, as the cooling trade winds kept the temperature just perfect to make the island a true paradise. The very last thing that would come to mind would be walking through the valley of death. If this is the valley of death, then I am ready to be taken. Hell, the only evil that I see is that guy over there that is hogging all the best shade. Well, and the older retired gentleman in a thong. If someone (not God) came at me with a rod and staff I think I would start to jog after the girl three paragraphs up, just as fast as I could.

I will admit that when it comes to religion I am not the most devout. In fact I look at most religions and their precepts as guidelines on how to be a good human. Well, not the JW’s, and I am not sure about the Baptists either. I can see writing Psalm 23:4 all over the place in Las Vegas, but Hawaii? This is kind of like when mailmen and politicians complain about how hard they work. They work hard just so long as you don’t compare them to any real workers. I guess you might be able to convince yourself that people running around with next to nothing on is a bad thing and that the threat of skin cancer will send you to the valley of death. Nah...that’s just nuckin’ futs!

You know, I think the guy got it wrong. I think he meant to write Psalm 24:3 “Who shall stand in his holy place?” Now, doesn’t that make more sense? OK, problem solved. It wasn’t written by some uptight religious nut with a hair up his ass, but by some religious nut that was enjoying the sun and the sand.