JUICY

Prince Charming and his lovely wife arrived in Alberta “officially” today. They actually came into the province yesterday like two thieves in the night. It was their day off. I don’t know about anyone else, but my day off involves sitting in my underwear, eating bridge mixture and watching action movies. The last thing that I would do is to tour a disaster area. To be honest, no one would let me anywhere near the disaster area, thinking that I would be a looter. Is it looting if no one wants the stuff?

I don’t envy them. On the outside looking in, their life looks pretty perfect, but I am sure that it is far from the truth. Every minute of the day seems to be scheduled and choreographed. I don’t like it when Louise tells me to get milk sometime tomorrow. Does she think I have nothing better to do? Oh...yeah...I don’t really. I guess that I may be able to squeeze the milk in. They have to meet some pretty detestable people too. Why in the past three days they had to spend time with Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Premier Ed Stelmach. Louise just showed me a picture of them riding in wagon looking at another couple of horse’s asses that were pulling it. Ummm, In front of these two guys. You know what I mean even if it isn't that clear.

I wonder if they ever get any real down time. Do you think that Kate slouches around the palace in pyjama pants or sweat pants with “JUICY” on the ass? Would William spend the afternoon in cut-offs cutting the lawn? Nah! I think they are just too classy.

It turns out that I am something of a monarchist. I like the idea of the monarchy and the tradition that it represents. Thousands of years of history and breeding (inbreeding) are behind these two kids. I don’t think I would ever want to meet them the way that the world is now. Far too many rules about how you must behave in front of the royals. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut at the best of times, and when I am told what I can’t say, I take it as a personal challenge. I would either stand there looking at my feet and mumble some inane thing and I could never forgive myself for that. The more likely scenario would have me saying something like “ ahhh... Kate...you have something in your teeth.” Or perhaps “Pleased to meet you your highness, ahhh...did you know that your fly was undone?”

I am sure that I would think it funny even when the security guys were knocking my teeth out one by one. It is for the best if we just admire each other from afar. I am not likely to ever meet William or Kate, but it would be nice to have a coffee with them at Tim’s and just talk about mundane day to day existence. Mine, not theirs. I would even buy! Probably would have to, I don’t think they carry too much cash.

I hope that they have a nice visit and have a good time while they are in Canada.