BE HERE NOW

Maegan’s visit comes to an end tomorrow. Her flight back to Toronto is at 7:00AM, so we need to leave here about 5:00. That is pretty early! It is pretty early to get behind the wheel of a 2000 lb. hunk of metal and go hurtling along at 100 KPH. The things I do for my kids.

I hope that she had a good time. I know that she got a lot of nephew visiting in. Perhaps she got too much nephew visiting. She should have some great memories that will tide her over till the next time that she gets to see them. She sees them often enough to notice the changes that we miss when we see it on a daily basis. Not lucky, but it gives her a nice perspective.

I have been dreading her leaving since she arrived. I know, I am stupid, but it is something that I can’t help. I wish that I could be close enough to give her a hand if she needed me, but far enough away so that I don’t bother her. The other kids that are here find me to be a pain in the ass and a duty or an obligation. That is the way parents are I guess. Oh, not too much of a pain in the ass when I am needed though. I did the same thing to my parents and I am sure that they did the same to their parents and so on.

I have talked about being a friend with your kids before and how it doesn’t really seem to be possible. Friendly, yes, but not friends. I can tell my friend that he is an asshole and he smiles and “assholes” me right back. When you do that to the kids they feel that it is something that you mean for all time and not just at that second. You can love someone and still wonder how they can function with their head planted firmly up their butt. I have often questioned the sanity of any of my friends.

The thing that parents are most proud of is also the thing that tears you apart. We hope that are kids become confident and independent, contributing members of our society. When they are confident and independent then they don’t need you anymore. When you have been needed for twenty or more years and are then cut off it kind of leaves you floundering on the shore gasping for air. We will find a new focus, but sometimes I wish that I could take the little child in my arms once more and cuddle.

I guess that is why we are blessed with grandchildren. One more kick at the can as it were. This time there will be no rules or boundaries. Just unconditional love and no expectations. The Zen belief might be right ...BE HERE NOW...