Yeah, I have nothing for today.

Yeah, I have nothing for today.

I know what you are going to say “That hasn’t stopped you before.” I guess I am just an asshole magnet. Ha, ha. So, I guess stream of consciousness would be the way to go then. Ready, set, go!

The post office is probably going on strike tonight, which you would think couldn’t affect me at all since I am retired and just a carefree man about town. Unfortunately, I am going to be impacted in more than a few ways. Firstly, I am expecting a battery for my cell phone that I ordered over a week ago and it hasn’t arrived yet. Frakin’ post office! Just a bunch of over paid lazy slobs, except for the ones I know and anyone affiliated with them that might be reading this.

Secondly, I was to start work at the post office beginning tomorrow for the next two weeks. The money is good and the work is easy, just the combination of attributes that make a job appealing to me. Now with the strike there is a good chance that I won’t be needed. Why do horrible things happen to good people? I am referring to myself in case you were wondering. Screw that bunch of over paid lazy slobs, except for the ones I know and anyone affiliated with them that might be reading this.

Thirdly, I am going to have to listen to all of the newscasters and the editorialists babble on about the strike and making up statistics that have no basis in reality. I don’t know where they get their facts, but there sure as hell isn’t due diligence in background checks for the stories they write. There is no point in phoning or writing in because they just don’t listen. Now, as far as I am concerned all of those journalists and news broadcasters are a bunch of over paid lazy slobs, except for the ones I know and anyone affiliated with them that might be reading this.

I hope that the dispute is settled to the satisfaction of both parties and that neither one is happy with the outcome. That way there will be a balance and the world can go back to normal and maybe, just maybe I will still make my money. Everything really boils down to making me happy.

It is in the best interest of the world in general and everyone that knows me to keep me healthy, happy and alive. You see everything, and I do mean everything, is created by my consciousness, from the smallest blade of grass to the largest mountain. You are just a figment of my imagination. So, if you wish to stay in existence then you and everyone you know should be nice to me. Let’s start by sending cash. Send just as much as you can spare, because if you need more I will imagine it for you. OK? Good, I am glad to get that off of my chest. It is quite a burden to carry around.

I know what you are thinking, if that guy created everything then he must be god. Maybe not “The” God, but he is a god just the same. I guess the secret is out. Yes, you may worship me from near and afar, but no churches, they give me the willies. All that I ask is that you be kind to each other and for you to send money of course.

You know, not every one of these is worth the time spent reading it. This is where you should exercise your free will. I guess that if you are reading this then you are too late. You will never get this time back. Have a nice day.